Myself

Well it is already September of this year and I have been slacking on my blog. I'm sorry fans. 

One thing I have learned this year is try and be yourself. Because of my past I have always been afraid of that. Lately, thanks to a couple of good friends, I have been able to breakout of my shell a little more. I have been able to live a more fulfilling life and not be afraid to try new things. I have been able to be myself the way God has meant me to be. Thank you Katie Blue Bradshaw and Evie Stuart!! You guys have helped me so much in the past couple of months! You have no idea... You're the best!!

Mistakes

Mistakes are something that we all hate doing and making. We all have learned from them. Hopefully. But I can tell you that being 26 years old I have made lots of them. I regret them all, but I am glad that that I learned lessons from them, the biggest being from my addiction. I am where I am today because of it. I wish the best of luck to everybody about hard lessons learned. 

Being Different

God made each of us odd in one way or another. We all need to accept the reality of this. Sometimes we see the difference in others and wish we were like them. Sometimes we see the differences (bad ones) and treat others wrong or horribly. Sometimes we overlook people because they are TO different then we are. I hope we can learn to accept others and their differences. 

P.S. I write my blog posts from life experiences. just leave a comment or message me to so i can write on a particular subject. 

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To me the nicest people have been through alot more then most people. They have been dragged through Hell and back more times then they deserve. The nicest people are hurt the most. Why then are they the first to get hurt in the world? More likely not to be listened to? More likely to be shut down? It seems like we treat nice people as just mediocre. Why do we do this? I guess we'll never know the true reason. But I challenge you to treat at least one nice person a day like this. Maybe you'll learn something from my whacky posts.  

Seven

      Today (for those who care) I am seven days sober! I haver worked hard to get here! I have suffered thirteen long years with my addiction, but I am now trying harder to push it out of my life for good.I hope those of you who read this you can understand. If not then please try. I am truly sorry. I hope we are on the same page.

      Now on another thought. The reason I started blogging again was to deal with my PTSD and sometimes my posts may be long but i haven't had the freedom of thought in a long time. I hope to help others by my posts.

I'm sorry

     I'm sorry to all that I have hurt in my past! Due to my addiction and my choices I have hurt others inmesuarably and even destroyed some relationships. As most of you know I am not very good at expressing myself verbally. But since I have started to blog again, I will be able to express my deepest sorrows and regrets on blogger. This is one of the ways I am trying to make restitution for myself to others. Restitution is one of the 12 steps so I hope you accept this as an apology.

    

    Growing up I was always mean to others and I had horrible anger issues due to the verbal/emotional abuse I went through. Now I am not using this as a excuse for my actions that I chose to make at the time. I said things, did things, and made things happen to people that were terrible. They shouldn't happen to others because nobody deserves to be treated like that no matter who you are. 

        My addiction started at the age of twelve and that's when my mean side started showing. Being this young I didn't have anyone to really talk to and because of immaturity at that age I didn't know how to emotionaly handle what was happening to me. I became such a mean person That I made others cry by what I did and what I said. I was a trouble maker and I was even suspended during school because  I tried to burn down my elementary school. I was drunk with emotional rage that Had gotten out of control and I didn't know how to handle it. I am sorry for that day and I still suffer the consequences for it. Because of this, my addiction, and my abuse I developed PTSD and I still have it to this day. This behavior continued until I graduated high school. Then I met Mary Stuart who became my unofficial counselor, mentor, and friend. She still is to this day. I am truly sorry to those people who fit in this catagory. You know who you are. 

     I hope whoever reads this can maybe understand why I am the way I am. I hope that all the people that I have hurt and offended can forgive me. I don't expect you understand my actions or anything. I just want you to understand that I am sorry. I hope I can also be forgiven from God for hurting all his children with my actions. For now this is the best way I know how to make restitution to others. I am super introverted and you probably won't hear me talk about this in person. I am trying my hardest to change and make things right. 

      

     

    

Getting to know somebody

I've often wondered about why we never take the time to get to know others. Is it because we are to afraid? Busy? Mean? Or just don't want to? I don't know about you but most the time it's a mix of these reasons (and maybe more) for me. I've been hurt so many times in my life by others, I tend to not get to know somebody new. I may feel comfortable in my own skin about it, but the consequence for me is I'll never know anything special about the person. Unfortunately a lot of people do this in the world. I have decided to try and learn something about another person more often. I hope we all try to do this in our lives. You could meet your next best friend or lover. You never know...

Other People we see

Everybody around us (no exceptions) is a Spirit that was created by God whether or not we know it.The world has forgotten this. Therefore we pass by, make fun of, spread rumors and ignore certain people because we feel they don't deserve anything from us. If we could see souls with our eyes we would see true beauty. Who are we to judge God's creations and who are we to decide who deserves what in this life. Most the time we do not know their story or why they are the way they are. We should try and not judge others or be unkind to them as hard as it may seem because when we do this we are helping God's children know who they are. Also we are spreading Christanity, and kindness throughout the world! 

DrEaMs

Dreams are a wonderful thing in this world. Never give up on them. You may never accomplish them in this life, but you can always dream. No mattert what life brings always have dreams in your head. Dare to shoot for them and even if you miss you can stil dream, dream, and dream. Dreams are a beautiful part of who we are as humans. Go get your dreams ya! 

To my future wife

This is a letter to my future wife from me: 

I will love you mad care for you with all my heart. I will take care of you and be there when you are sad. I will serve you with all my power. I will bring home surprises for you and I will sit with you when you are sick. I will be playful mad kind towards you. I will bring you surprises for no reason at all. I will watch all the chick flick movies you want to watch and I will be there to mourn with you when you are sad. I love you! Unfortunately I do not know who you are yet, so I hope that when we meet you will give me a chance to show you who I am and that you will take a chance to get to know me. 

Running

Run for your goals! Chase them and achieve! 

Well this is a new year and a new me

I haven't posted in blogger for a long time. I had to go on a self-discovery journey in life. Well I'm back and I hope ya'all don't mind. Next post coming soon. 

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Getting Abused in life really screws you up... Badly.

Sometimes I wish...

Sometimes I wish I am the one that girls talk about,or that is popular. Sometimes I wish I was the one that somebody is waiting for, or the one that is wanted. Sometimes I wish I was handsome and pretty, or the one that has somebody. Sometimes I wish I was visible and well known. Sometimes I wish somebody cared that I left and that I came home. Sometimes I wish that somebody cared that I taught people and and made a difference in 8 lives. Sometimes I wish I was taken on Valentines day and that people knew my birthday. Sometimes I wish noticed more often and that people knew my history. Sometimes I wish that somebody would tell me good job or that somebody says I choose you to be mine. Sometimes I wish people knew the places that have I have been and the places I want to go. Sometimes I wish that people would be nicer and care more for others. Sometimes I wish I could be the one that is happy and the one that is right with God.

Afraid

Afraid. That's a word that everybody experiences in life but some suffer from it more then they should. I suffer from it a lot in my life because of what I went through. I am afraid. Afraid. Afraid. I am afraid that no one will love me because of what I have done in life. I am afraid that people wont like me for me because I am different and have low social skills. I am afraid that no one will want to marry me because I am a nice guy and women don't like nice guys. I am afraid that people wont accept me because of what happened to me. I am afraid that no one will take the time to get to know me because I am weird. I am afraid people will push me away because I am to nice and they hate it when I do nice things for them without a reason.I am afraid. Afraid. Afraid. And so far what I have been afraid of has happened to me in life.

Washing Hands!

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530. That's what time it is. Man what a week it was been. We had to move from dorm to dorm. It's quiet interesting. They are nicer but have lots of flaws. Anyways all I can think of is the boy bands have won. They are taking over the world. One direction. Girl Bieber. New Edition. Boyz II Men... I mean come on. They are so gay! The world needs more rock bands. Drinking a German Beer, with a Cuban Cigar, In the middle of Paris with a Dominican Broad. She's well put together like a piece by Gershwin. If boy bands would do that they would be awesome!

I Wish...

I wish. Two simple words that can mean a lot. For some it means erasing a past mistake or choice. For some it means something they hope for but not yet have obtained in life. For me it means both. I have made a lot of mistakes in life. I mean A LOT. I have said things that we unkind and done things that were just cruel. I have had addictions and attitudes that were horrible. Mistakes are like ink. Once on paper they are always there and can't be erased. I wish I could take back some of my mistakes. I wish I could re-write some of the things I have done or said. I wish oh how I wish... but the one good thing about all these mistakes is that they have made me who I am today and because of them I have learned life's lessons. Now for second part. I wish that someday I can be good enough for someone. I wish that one day I can marry someone in the Temple. I wish that one day I can find someone who will love me even though they know about all my past mistakes. I wish I could be more popular. I wish oh how I wish... -Benjamin Nelson

Heat

Heat, heat! it's so warm and welcoming like meat. I miss you. Please come back... The heat decided to leave so we couldn't cleave unto it. I miss you. Please come back... The cold will bite us, which isn't right. I miss you. Please come back...

What A Year 2012 Was

What a year 2012 was! I grew in many ways, but I also failed in many areas of my life. I am sorry to those that I was mean to. I am sorry to those that I didn't text or call to say hi to. I am sorry to those who I didn't give enough attention to. I am sorry to those that needed my help, but I passed by because I was to shy or embarrassed to stop and help you when you needed it. I am sorry to those that I passed and didn't even murmur a hello or a "how are you?". I am sorry to those that I haven't befriended yet, the ones that I could have been friends with but chose not to because of my past. I am sorry to those that I didn't lend a listening ear to or a shoulder to lean on when you needed somebody to listen. I AM SORRY! I hope I do better this year. P.S. to all 8 fans of my page, I am now doing this as a normal blog since I have completed a year of pictures. I will still post pictures when I take them, but I will now put up normal posts and they will be more personal. I hope you still decide to be a fan of my blog.

March 7th 2012- L.A GRAFFITI KINGS